


Just Like Flying

by drownedinblissfulconfusion (tundraeternal)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 11:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tundraeternal/pseuds/drownedinblissfulconfusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is getting along alright as a human.  He knows the routines and goes through the motions, but Dean can tell he isn't happy.  He finally finds something that might remind Cas of being an angel again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Like Flying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frecklesarechocolate (onlybritainisgreat)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=frecklesarechocolate+%28onlybritainisgreat%29).



> Happy birthday, sugar!

“Cas?” Dean touches his sleeve tentatively. “You with me, man?”

It’s starting to worry him how often in the past few weeks he’s been mid-sentence and looked over to find Cas staring out a window or into space. 

He turns mournful blue eyes to Dean. “I’m with you, Dean.” 

Dean laughs at his solemnity--it’s either that or let it break his heart. “It’s not a funeral, dude! Just a grocery run. So you wanna go?”

Cas stands and silently follows Dean out to the Impala. 

* * * * * 

“So.” Dean addresses the back of Cas’s head as he watches the scenery roll past. “You seem like you’re getting the hang of things okay.” Really it’s been almost surprising how well Cas has taken to being human. His social skills are still a little off, at best, but he looks at home in his hand-me-down jeans and Army surplus plaid shirt, he showers and shaves every day, helps keep the bunker neat, and he’s a wiz at cleaning guns. But the longer he stays, the more Dean notices something off about him. Sometimes he’s almost robotic, the way he zones out as he performs tasks. It’s like he was more human when he was still an angel. 

“It’s not exactly complicated,” Cas retorts. “Did you think I wouldn’t be able to tie my shoes without my grace?” He sounds a little bitter, which on the Winchester scale is a step up from empty, so Dean’s encouraged. 

“Of course not, I just meant...” What _did_ he mean? “Yeah, never mind.”

Cas turns to face him. “Dean, the difficult part of being human isn’t adjusting to the things I have to do. It’s being without the things I’m no longer capable of doing.” He looks out the window again, like he’s said his piece and doesn’t need an answer. 

Of course, that’s the best way to get Dean to talk. “Cas, I know--I know this sucks for you. I think you’re doing great, I really do. But, if there’s anything that’s tough, if there’s anything I can help with, you let me know, okay? Anything I can do to make it easier on you.”

When Cas came to them, human and frail and afraid, a small, traitorous part of Dean had wanted to tell him he deserved it. Each time he goes off on his own, he leaves Dean, he thinks it’s ‘for the best’, and bad things happen. And he crawls back to patch it up before it all starts over again. But now, maybe he’s learned his lesson. Deserved or not, Cas is hurting, and it’s in Dean’s nature to forgive. 

Cas sighs, and Dean pats his thigh. “Just say the word, man. Whatever you need.” 

“I miss my wings,” he mumbles, almost too low for Dean to hear over the noise of the engine and the tires. 

He falls silent again, resting his head against the window and shutting his eyes, and Dean focuses on the road and wishes he knew what to say. 

* * * * *

It’s nearly a month later when he has an idea. Cas has been seeming a little happier, or else better at hiding his discontent, but Dean still has yet to see him smile. He hopes this will do it. 

On a hot and sunny Thursday morning, Dean finds Cas at the table, nursing a bowl of cereal, and tells him to get his ass in gear and get in the car. 

“Is something wrong? Is it a hunt? Is Sam coming?” 

“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s a surprise. Sam’s still a little under the weather, he’s gonna sit this one out, hold down the fort. Finish your breakfast and meet me outside.”

Dean stows his duffel bag in the trunk before Cas makes it outside, and he’s got the windows down and the music cranked, playing Creedence, when Cas slides in beside him. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Dude, surprise! Not gonna tell you. Sit tight.”

Cas is silent for most of the drive, and Dean lets him be, but can’t help smiling to himself and singing along to the radio. They’re alive, they’re free, it’s summertime, and Dean hopes he might have something in store that’ll make his best friend smile. 

* * * * * 

When they pull off of State Route 9 and onto the gravel road that the clerk at the laundromat had described, Dean starts to get nervous. He has no idea whether Cas will enjoy this, or if he’ll think it’s a complete waste of his time. He licks his lips. He’ll know soon enough anyway. And it’s only a couple hours drive; no big deal if Cas wants to turn around and go home. 

They reach the end of the road, and Dean puts the Impala in park. He can hear the river as soon as he cuts the engine. 

He looks at Cas and Cas looks at him. “Dean, where are we?” 

“It’s a swimming hole.” Dean’s halfway to nervous laughter. “This guy at the laundromat was telling me about it and he said it’s great ‘cause it’s the tallest waterfall in Kansas, and there’s enough room to dive, but no one ever comes here, so it’s like this great local secret...” he trails off. 

“I don’t know if I know how to swim.” Cas looks worried, but not angry and not bored, and Dean smiles.

“Of course you know how to swim. They say it’s just like flying.” Cas’s head snaps up at that, and Dean sees a spark of life in his eyes for the first time in far, far too long. 

“Do they really say that? Who says that?” He looks skeptical, but hopeful. 

“I dunno, man, people who say stuff. But it makes sense, though, doesn’t it? Same kind of motions? Trying not to fall to the bottom?”

Cas contemplates, nods. “That does make sense. Can we try it?”

“Dude, Cas, of course. That’s why we’re here!” Dean grins and claps Cas’s shoulder. He scrambles out and pulls out the duffel. It’s got towels and beers and a few sandwiches; he figures that’s probably all they need for the day. 

Dean leads the way down the overgrown path to the water’s edge, and they come out on a wide, flat rock that juts into the river. The water is perfect--clear and deep and at least fifty feet wide at the base of the falls. It’s not much of a waterfall on a summer day like this, more trickle than torrent, but it’s beautiful. The rocks form natural steps up one side, which some enterprising Kansans have enhanced into a fair approximation of a staircase. It’s about twenty feet high, which is about the limit of Dean’s height tolerance, and he hopes it’ll be enough for Cas. 

He drops the bag at the back of the rock where it’ll be in the shade, and turns to Cas. He’s standing at the water’s edge, staring out, but not vacant the way his stares have been. He looks like he’s drinking in every facet of the landscape in front of him, memorizing the crooked fall of the rocks and the needles of each pine tree. He turns to Dean with light in his eyes and an honest to god grin. Dean could shout, he’s so happy to see it. 

Instead he walks over to Cas and throws an arm around his shoulders. “You like it?”

“Dean, it’s wonderful. Thank you.” He beams. “Can we go in? Now?” 

“You should probably take off your clothes first, but yeah.” Dean kneels and works at his own shoelaces, and Cas follows suit. 

Once he’s down to his boxers, folding his clothes and putting them near the bag, he looks to Cas to make sure he’s doing alright. And he just stares as Cas shucks off his boxers and tosses them onto the pile of his clothes. 

Cas catches his eye and he suddenly comes to himself with a start. “Cas, ah, maybe boxers stay on? Just in case anyone comes by?” He feels himself blushing and is incredibly glad Sam’s not here to catch it. 

“You _told_ me to take my clothes off. This feels nice. Free. And you said no one ever visits this place.” Cas looks disappointed. At least, from what Dean can see of Cas from the corner of his averted eyes, he looks disappointed. 

“Yeah, no one except the laundromat guy and all his buddies. Come on, suit up, proper human attire.”

“Fine.” Cas grumbles, but complies. Dean heaves a sigh of relief and lets himself look back down at his friend. His relief doesn’t last long when he finds his eyes scanning over the muscles of Cas’s back. For a nerdy little dude, he is really built. 

His gaze lingers. He starts to feel warm at the back of his neck, then in the pit of his stomach, and as soon as he recognizes it as arousal, he shakes himself like a dog. “Last one in’s a rotten egg!” He runs past Cas and jumps off the end of the rock. It’s not freezing, but it’s cold; the best kind of cold that’s a shock to your system when you’ve been frying in the sun. Or thinking things you shouldn’t be thinking about your best friend. He swims a stroke and revels in the silky feel of the current against his skin. When he surfaces, treading water and shaking drips out of his eyes, he sees Cas, seated on the rock with his legs in the water. 

“Cas, come on, what are you waiting for?” 

“What if I can’t do it?” 

“I don’t see why you couldn’t, you can do everything else. Come on. I’ll catch you if anything goes wrong.”

Cas eases slowly off of his seat, slipping down into the dark water under the rock’s shadow. Dean swims a little closer, just in case. 

He breathes a sigh of relief when Cas lets go of the rock and starts to move, keeping his head up just fine. 

“See? You’re a natural!” Dean can’t keep the pride out of his voice. 

Cas looks at him wide-eyed, and slowly swims a stroke, then two, towards him. Dean nods encouragingly. And then his heart clenches when Cas takes a breath and disappears beneath the water. 

He’s trying not to panic; he heads for the space where Cas was, but there’s no sign. He’s about to dive when suddenly Cas shoots up beside him and grabs his arms. 

“Dean, this feels _wonderful_!” 

Dean tries not to have a heart attack, or drown with surprise. Cas lets go of him, and swims circles around him, on his back like an otter. He watches Cas circle a few times, and then dive again, his eyes alight with glee. He comes up again almost at the other side of the river, then dives again and comes up almost under the falls. Once more and he’s back to Dean’s side. 

“Dean, it’s amazing, moving in three dimensions again. You have no idea how boring it is to walk on the surface of the earth all the time.”

He looks so thrilled, so _young_ , Dean can’t help reaching out to ruffle his messy, wet hair. 

“Just watch out for the current, okay? It’s probably not real strong, but just be careful. And don’t forget you need to breathe!” 

Cas glares at him; it’s almost his ‘I am a celestial being, how dare you baby me’ glare, but his mouth is still half smiling and it ruins the effect. Dean laughs. 

“Come on, I’ll race you!” 

* * * * *

They play in the water for hours, and eventually Dean loses his fear that Cas will drown accidentally and starts horsing around at trying to drown him on purpose. Turns out Cas is an even better swimmer than Dean, but he’s not as strong, and so they’re pretty evenly matched. They grapple and splash and dunk one another, and when they get cold, they lie on the big rock to dry in the sun until they’re too warm and they start it all again. After lunch (Dean makes them wait thirty minutes before going back in, and nothing Cas tells him about human anatomy will deter him) Cas decides he wants to dive. Dean can’t pretend it doesn’t make him nervous, but the ledge of the waterfall was one of the main attractions of this place, at least in terms of trying to give wings to a guy who’s lost his, so he doesn’t protest. 

He does hold his breath as Cas climbs, carefully, up the rock steps to stand at the edge. Then, with the form of an Olympic diving champion, he springs, cutting through the air, and slicing into the water with barely a splash. Dean feels like his heart could burst with the beauty of it. He swims out to meet Cas as he surfaces. 

“Man, that was something else!” he says as soon as Cas’s head breaks the surface. 

“Dean-” Cas starts, his voice breaking, and Dean realizes that mixed with the water on Cas’s face are tears. 

“Cas! Cas, are you okay? What happened?” He grabs one arm and tows him until it’s shallow enough to stand. 

As soon as their feet hit the rocky bottom, Cas falls into his space and slides his arms around Dean. Dean goes still for a moment, then takes a deep breath and returns the embrace, resting his cheek on Cas’s head. 

“Hey, hey, what happened? You alright?” 

“It was so good, Dean,” he sobs. “It was so good. It felt almost like being home.”

Dean holds him, stroking his hair and murmuring soothing noises, until he stops shaking. 

“Hey bud,” he says, pulling back a bit, “let’s go sit for a little bit, okay?”

Cas nods, and then pauses and shakes his head. “No. I want to dive again.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you wanna take a breather?”

“Will you dive with me?” He takes hold of Dean’s hand like he’s proposing marriage or something, and Dean’s stomach gives a funny little jolt. He chalks it up to his fear of heights. Nervousness. His nervousness about heights. Not a fear. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. If you want.” 

“Please.”

He lets Cas keep holding his hand as they wade out of the water onto the muddy, pebbled shore, and doesn’t let go until he needs both hands to steady himself for the climb. It’s only twenty feet. That’s barely a second story balcony. He focuses on Cas’s back in front of him and stays calm. When they reach the top, Cas stands just behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder. It’s stupid, but he feels safer for it. 

“Dean, I want to try to show you something. Will you let me?” Dean nods and Cas continues, speaking low into his ear. “Imagine that you know that when you jump, you don’t have to fall. You have wings; you could fly.” Dean nods again. “Imagine if there were no water, only the rocks here, and the cliff, and the ground. And when you dive, you dive straight down, you feel the rush of the wind, and then just before you hit the bottom, you spread your wings and you lift up.”

Dean closes his eyes; he knows he won’t sway too close to the edge with Cas holding him. He pictures himself aloft in the sky, starting to plunge--not falling, but just for the rush. He doesn’t need to be afraid. The water below that’s waiting to catch him is his wings. He reaches up to Cas’s hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze, opens his eyes. Cas smiles and lets go. 

Dean steps to the edge and looks down. Takes a deep breath. And dives. 

Only twenty feet. It’s barely a split second of freefall before he hits the water and pulls up. But for the first time in his life, he has an inkling of why someone might want to fly. And he maybe understands, just a little, what Cas is missing. 

He turns around just as Cas dives. It’s flawless, again, which is probably what you can expect from a guy who was born part bird. He swims to Cas to make sure there’s no breakdown this time, but Cas is smiling again. Not his manic grin from this morning, but serene. Content. 

By mutual, unspoken accord they swim for the big rock and pull themselves up, lying down on their backs to stare up at the unbroken blue sky. Dean balls his t-shirt up and slides it under his head for a pillow, then turns to glance at Cas. 

“Thanks,” he says, dropping the word like a stone into a bucket. 

“For what?” Cas sounds genuinely confused. “I should be thanking you. This place, today... No one has ever done anything like this for me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re welcome. That’s what friends are for. But thanks for showing me how to fly, a little.”

“That was very much my pleasure.” Cas reaches out and puts his hand over Dean’s. 

After a second, Dean turns his hand over so they’re palm to palm, and closes his fingers around Cas’s. He shuts his eyes and watches the orange glow of the sun from behind his eyelids. 

“Dean? Do you think we could do this again someday?”

“Yeah, definitely.” As often as he can manage it. 

Cas squeezes Dean’s hand, and Dean smiles.


End file.
